Wednesday, April 04, 2007

The Boss's Dick Won't Suck Itself


I'm delighted to see that the Iranians, with great kindness, have deigned to release the 15 captured British sailors...

"I'd like to say that myself and my whole team are very grateful for your forgiveness. I'd like to thank yourself and the Iranian people... Thank you very much, sir."

-Unidentified British crew member, to Iranian President and Mentalist Ahmadinejad


Like all the other rock-hard motherfuckers currently criticising our sailors' craven conduct, I've fought in over seventeen wars, and took fourteen bullet wounds at the closing of the Falaise pocket. I was lucky to escape the Battle of Teutoberg Forest with only superficial injuries and a nasty axe-hole.

As you can imagine, I've seen some grovelling in my time, and our boys and girls were far less obsequious than I would've been in their situation.

"I'd crawl over a forest of Iranian bell-ends just to kiss your glorious hoop, O magnificent one," that's what I'd have said. "Your evil teddy bear appearance is like the radiance of a thousand suns, suns made of chocolate tits filled with champagne."

And to think, after all these many years of British military endeavour, we have arrived at this ignominious moment.

Did Douglas Bader throw himself upon the mercy of his fascist captors? Did the POWs of Colditz have to debase themselves, urinating in fear before the might of the Wehrmacht?

No, the Nazis were quite content with a bit of light bondage and spanking, pretty vanilla by the standards of the era.

So I'm launching a competition - what's the most vainglorious peice of keyboard heroism you've seen relating to this incident?

Extra points for invocations of the Blitz Spirit, Winston Churchill and stiff upper lips.

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