Friday, March 16, 2007

The Art Of Running The Circus From The Monkey Cage

Boy, am I looking forward to the next general election. Imagine it, the Clash of the Titans, Brown vs. Cameron!

It's the political punch-up to end all punch-ups, the prize-fight for the championship, as these two heavyweights trade body-blows over the critical issues that will decide the destiny of the United Kingdom.

SWOON! as Gordon and Davey announce their support for the replacement of the Trident missile system!

GASP! as they attempt to out-emote each other over the wellbeing of the environment!

SCREAM! as both candidates adopt pro-war positions!

APPLAUD! as Brown and Cameron agree virtually identical moderate free-market policies!

SHRIEK! as neither changes Britain's stance on the European Union!

FAINT! as Gordon and David agree to maintain high public spending!

MASTURBATE! as both parties stuff their manifestoes with draconian crackdowns on immigrants and criminals!

CHOKE! as British bloggers attempt to slide a credit card between the candidates!

SHIT YOUR PANTS! with anticipation as Rupert Murdoch decides which candidate will win!

LAUGH! your way to the ballot-box and cast your vote for the candidate with the best haircut!

I jest, of course. No doubt weighty and momentous issues will be debated, and the very existence of the nation will hang in the balance.

It'd take a wiser head than mine to explain how we got to the point where British politics resembles nothing more than two midgets playing ping-pong on a beermat while a gang of braying twats play poker with your pension.

Far be it from me to suggest that this is the inevitable result of neoliberal fundamentalism butting heads with a populace that demands activist government - that'd make me sound like a Commie and a twat.

I'll just get back to the football, grab a beer and leave this to the economists. After all, they seem to be doing a bang-up job of running our democratic system so far.

After lengthy consideration, I've decided to cast my vote for Judy

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