Foreigners and such may have missed the news that some British companies and the Driver and Vehicle Licensing Authority have recently been targetted by a serial letter bomber.
This has led to speculation that the bombs are the work of a disgruntled anti-speed camera activist who has grown bored of chopping down and smashing the treacherous, electronic stool-pigeons.
Whoever is committing these outrages, I must urge him or her to stop immediately, lest the government decides to cravenly submit to terrorism.
Imagine if Labour ploughed money into hiring more traffic police. Why, just last week I was flashed by a speed camera whilst driving a stolen car, at least three times over the drink-driving limit and I don't even have a licence.
Thankfully, the government's money-making scams have spared me some months in prison. I think speed cameras are a brilliant idea - jolly good work, local councils.
Letter bombs, on the other hand, are rubbish. I work in an office and I'm more afraid of nasty paper cuts and sexual harrassment.
I've certainly never been sexually harrassed by a letter bomb, I can tell you.