Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Pimp-Daddy L.L. P-Bremer, Ho's Appear Before Punk-Ass Playa-Hatin' Congressional Panel

"Yo, where my people's money be at, bitch?" - Sen. Henry Waxman

New York Times, 7th February 2007

Flanked by his bitches, righteous motherfucker and former American civilian administrator in Iraq, L.L. P-Bremer, faced disrespectful questioning today from the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee.

Mr. Bremer defended his performance as top dogg of the Coalition Provisional Authority at a hearing when Democrats criticised his allegedly weak-ass management, from which period $12 billion in cash remains unaccounted for.

California Senator Henry Waxman was particularly unforgiving, asking "Yo, bitch, where my people's money be at?"

Mr. Bremer was unperturbed, answering "Hey, y'all, when I got to tha G-Zone, shit was all fucked up, y'know? Damn straight."

When Sen. Waxman asked Bremer to explain exactly how fucked up shit was, he responded "Yo, yo, I'm here reprazentin' for tha C to tha P to tha muthafuckin' A, an' I'm tellin' y'all that was some stone-cold nasty shit."

Mr. Bremer's bitches then disrupted proceedings for some minutes with loud chants of "CPA, CPA!".

Mr. Bremer was angered by the accusation that a significant portion of the missing funds could have found its way into the hands of the anti-American insurgency.

"Hey, yo, don't go runnin' up on a brother wit' no accusations and shit. Ain't no insurgency gettin' its hands on no green, I gots tha fuckin' kung-fu grip on them muthafuckers."

The Senate investigation will only examine the missing $12 billion from the US treasury which was distributed to military personnel and often used as pillows or left in unlocked drawers. It is unknown how the three-hundred and sixty tonnes of cash was spent.

The Committee will not investigate the $8.8 billion dollars of Iraqi oil money and leftover funds from the Oil-For-Food programme that similarly vanished during Mr. Bremer's tenure.

Senate Republicans dissed their opponents for attempting to make political capital in a time of war.

"Hey, G's, we bawlin' bad-style with tha' muthafuckin' insurgency," said Sen. John L. Mica, waving a fat roll of bills. "Waggin' fingaz ain't gonna straighten shit out, anyhow, y'all playa haterz."

Hearings continue tomorrow.

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