Friday, February 23, 2007

Just How Fascist Are Those Europeans?

I whiled away my lunch hour today reading an interesting article by noted American thinker Andrei S. Markovits, "Western Europe's America Problem", and an enlightening read it was too.

Prof. Markovits' thesis is simple - Europe's blind hatred of all things American is closely related to its endemic anti-Semitism. Not only that, but the situation is now so serious that "Anti-Americanism has been promoted to the status of Western Europe's lingua franca."

Ordinarily I wouldn't bother with rebuttal, but this view seems to be very common amongst bloggers.

The good Professor uses many examples for evidence, including his childhood days at a Viennese school, economics, crime and punishment and, interestingly, football/soccer...

"When the United States was chosen as host of the World Cup for the summer of 1994, many of the European news and entertainment media were appalled... Europeans loudly voiced the usual objections to American crassness, vulgarity, commercialism, and ignorance.

They argued that giving the tournament to the Americans was tantamount to degrading the game and its tradition. Awarding Americans the World Cup was like holding a world championship in skiing in a country in the Sahara or playing a major golf tournament in Greenland..."

I had no idea we had caused such offence. Sorry about that.

For the most part, Professor Markovitz complains that Europeans are snooty and superior in their attitude to their trans-Atlantic cousins, a charge that is no doubt true. After all, we're like that with everybody else, especially each other.

Still, I thought I'd test out his thesis that hatred of America and hatred of Jews have become synonymous. I've researched this thoroughly, sifting through great mountains of evidence, tracing the roots of European hatreds, snobberies and hang-ups - the result is my Family Tree of Euro-Prejudice, below.

As you can see, I've begun with Europe's most obvious characteristic i.e., fascism, and split it into sub-categories.

It seems to me from close analysis that European hatred of Americans and Jews aren't closely related - my research indicates that anti-Americanism is more the bastard offspring of our paternal supremacism and matronly Islamofascism, whereas our anti-Semitism is definitely born of our revisionism, second-cousin to our neo-nazi tendencies and the grandchild of our nativism on the distaff side.

Having clearly disproven the Professor's central thesis, I've attempted to quantify the severity of Europe's anti-Americanism. The results are presented in the graph below...

Even I was shocked by my findings, although the chart clearly shows that America hatred remains a relatively minor problem in Europe, clocking in below 500 Hitlers on the Reichometer.

On the other hand, our Islamophobia has reached an amazing 2000 Hitlers, and our anti-Semitism weighs in at an astonishing 2500 Hitlers - almost two and a half MegaFuhrers.

So remain calm, my American friends - whatever tenured academics might say, we still love you more than we love each other.

To Burger King, my buddies, and don't spare the gasoline!

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