Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Duck And Cover

God bless British intelligence, for today MI5 launches an email-based terror-notification system for the public.

"People will be able to register on the MI5 website to receive updates when the threat level changes...

...MI5 chief Dame Eliza Manningham-Buller recently warned that it was tracking at least 30 terror plots against the UK."

Since the British "threat level" has been at "severe" for some time, its second highest possible classification, I think we all know what this means.

So what can those who sign up expect to find in their email and mobile phone inboxes? I've checked it out with my sources, and here's a sneak preview...

TTLRAI =:O - Terror Threat Level Raised, Apocalypse Imminent

LOL!!!!!!! - Leg It Out Of London

ITPFD :( - Islamofascists Triumphant, Prepare For Dhimmification

EABD - Emergency Appeal - Bring Donuts

AFRHWJ - Attention Foreigners - Remove Heavy Winter Jackets

SYLOIMD %( - Shit Your Legs Off In Mortal Dread

RAOTFCMLO - Rolling About On The Floor Coughing My Lungs Out

OMFG - UKRIP - Goodness Me, We Are In Difficulties

HRH-KIA, OBLNQ - Her Majesty Has Passed Away, Osama Bin Laden Now Queen

ACPFIE - All Citizens Prepare For Internal Examination

TTLL :) - Terror Threat Level Lowered

Okay, so I made that last one up.

I'll be signing up for these alerts straight away - it'll be like getting text messages from the 101st Fighting Keyboardists every time a brown person sneezes near a policeman.

Update!: The Curious Hamster has similar thoughts, although he makes his point in a less swinish and idiotic fashion.

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