Monday, January 15, 2007

Don't Build My Gallows Quite That High

Yet more good noose from the Middle East, as the slapstick executioners of Iraq botch another hanging like the hamfisted offspring of Benny Hill and Patrick Bateman.

No doubt this will be endlessly reassuring for the Sunni population of Iraq, who are unlikely to take the obvious lesson - "You're next" - from this development.

I'm looking forward to the executions of Chemical Ali and Doctor Germ. With comic book nicknames like that, how can Moqtada's boys resist?

I reckon they'll be blindfolded, locked in a room strewn with rakes and left to clatter about smacking themselves in the face for an hour or so, just as an appetiser.

Cue the Yakety Sax theme tune, and then the militia will wedge the two of them into a shopping trolley and push them down a hill, laughing as Saddam's cronies career madly through a treacle shop and an Acme Feather-Pillow factory.

The interlude involving two men carrying a large pane of glass across the road is compulsory, of course, before they're thrown out of the trolley with a comedy "boing" noise, into a pile of rubbish.

Then, just as they poke their banana-skinned heads up to take a dazed look about, a grand piano drops on their heads. And they get run over by a steam roller.

And a marching band, with an elephant.

Then Prime Minister Al-Maliki will wince, and say "My father went the exact same way."

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