Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Attention, Pentagon Officials!

I don't mean to be rude, but could you please stop bombing the living shit out of the world's nastiest hell-holes until we've rebuilt at least one of them?

Honestly, you're like a bunch of kids surreptitiously scraping your lasagne into the bin because you can't wait to get to the ice cream.

This mania for bombing is really starting to get me down. It's not that I don't appreciate the effort you're making, I really do. I think it's great that you're prepared to protect our safety by hammering any nation on Earth with complete impunity when the feeling takes you.

It's entirely possible that you've actually killed some bad guys this time - I imagine that one couldn't throw a half-brick in Somalia without clobbering a machine-gun wielding lunatic.

But, since you've unleashed the whizz-bang on Serbia, Iraq, Afghanistan, Sudan, Pakistan and Somalia just in the last ten years*, and are threatening to start on Iran and Syria, I have a suggestion.

If we piss you off that much, why not just build a bomb the size of the planet Earth, cut a United States-sized hole in it, then drop it and settle this bullshit once and for all?

Okay, I might be dead, but at least I won't have to read the articles labelling me an apologist for fascism if I put up my hand to ask a question.

Apologies to David Rees.

*Admittedly, with our assistance or craven assent.

Update!: Well bum me with a blackboard duster, it turns out that no senior Al Qaeda figures were killed. Not even one.

Failing to kill one Al Qaeda headcase may be regarded as a misfortune, but failing to kill three while wiping out a shower of anonymous brown people in the process looks like carelessness.

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