Saturday, December 30, 2006

U.S. Pornography Usage Drops To All-Time Low as Saddam Hussein Executed
"Oh Yeah, Baby, Work It, Work That Thing, Bitch" cry American bloggers
Wired Magazine,
30th December 2006

Webmasters of leading pornographic sites were in uproar today as traffic dropped to record lows following the execution of Iraqi tyrant Saddam Hussein.

"It's a disgrace," said one leading pornographer, who declined to be named. "How's an honest man supposed to earn a living when our punters keep being distracted by the quasi- judicial hanging of Middle-Eastern mass-murderering despots?"

Prominent American bloggers were unrepentant, however, splattering their posts with onanistic superlatives and orgasmic hyperbole.

"Oh God, Oh God, CNN reports a witness described "fear on his face.", panted blogger and journalist Jules Crittenden. "Yes, yes, I've filled my shot brass and raised it... Oh Jesus, don't be shy about raising a glass yourself. The world is a better place rid of this filthy murderer. This filthy, dirty, nasty little murdering strumpet..."

Panic spread amongst purveyors of online erotica as it became apparent that Saddamasturbation was not a passing fad, but was likely to continue well into the New Year.

"The punters are so busy beating their political opponents with the cold, floppy phallus of the dead dictator that they won't be back flogging themselves over our products for weeks", said one webmaster.

"I've got a wife and kids to feed, what am I supposed to do? I'm ruined."

The phenomenon showed no sign of abating in the short-term, with thousands of American right-wingers bashing themselves insensible over the corpse of the genocidal maniac Hussein.

"Mmmm, mmmm, oh fuck yes, the Butcher of Baghdad who murdered and tortured and raped hundreds of thousands of Iraqis is dead today and the left is Upset?", puffed the Gateway Pundit,

"Oh Christ, yes, that's it, right there, please, yes... Oh, don't ever allow a Leftist to lecture you on human rights again... Ever... Oh God, oh Jesus...

"Oh my Lord, oh, my Lord! God, oh God, please help those sick, sick, depraved, filthy, perverted people."

Experts predict that Saddam-related self-abuse will likely abate in early 2007.

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