Monday, December 11, 2006

Flying Rodent's Christmas Gift

Christmas has come early for readers of Between The Hammer And The Anvil, you lucky people that you are.

So without further ado, I'd like to present your cut-out-'n'-keep Flying Rodent's Celebrity Humiliation Top Trumps!

Simply print them off, cut them out and mount them on stiff card, then while away those tedious family engagements over the festive season, thus keeping your rage in check as your brother-in-law guzzles your ten-year-old malts.

First up, we have grizzled soap veteran Gillian Taylforth...

Crime: arrested in 1992 for performing an intimate act upon her combative boyfriend in a motorway lay-by.

Humiliation Factor: Medium.

Did She Admit It?: No.

Feeble Excuse: Claimed that boyfriend had stomach ache, and she was helping him undo his belt.

Next, it's Jesus-torturing Malibu anti-semite Mel Gibson...

Crime: Drunk driving, with overtones of racial hatred.

Humiliation Factor: High.

Did He Admit It?: Yes.

Feeble Excuse: The oldest in the book - was pissed up and ornery.

Third, it's wildlife-frottering politician Ron Davies...

Crime: Caught cruising gay pick-up areas. Twice.

Humiliation Factor: For a politician? High.

Did He Admit It?: Eventually.

Feeble Excuse: Told police he was "Looking for badgers". Seriously.

And finally for this post, it has to be book-touting, double-murdering psycho OJ Simpson...

Crime: Double Homicide.

Humiliation Factor: High.

Did He Admit It?: No.

Feeble Excuse: Some Puerto-Rican guy did it. OJ just felt like going for a drive with a gun to his own head.

Watch this space for more, including Michael Barrymore, Tonya Harding, Angus Deayton and Michael Jackson...

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