Monday, December 04, 2006

Bolton Resigns, A Nation Mourns

Sad tidings as the controversial United States ambassador to the UN resigns from his job.

Mr. Bolton will be remembered for his combative attitude, his contempt for all foreigners and his wide vocal range. The internet is also abuzz with rumours of his legendary wang, with which he was known to terrorise the cleaning staff.

"I couldn't believe it," said one of his colleagues. "Last time I saw a tool that size, a guy was beating a seal pup to death with it."

But his admirers said he was a bright, hard-working realist, whose scepticism about the UN's role made him an ideal envoy, particularly when the organisation was in need of deep reform.

Mr. Bolton's key achievements included his disapproving glares as the goggle-eyed, batshit nation of North Korea announced its emergence as a nuclear power and several Billboard chart hits in the early nineties.

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