Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Something Stinks, And It's Not The Dog

This year's Christmas market will witness a record glut of celebrity perfumes, as Hilary Swank, David Beckham and TV's Desperate Housewives attempt to flog their dodgy smellies in an attempt to fatten their bulging bank accounts.

They join the ranks of vacant, money-grubbing, media jezebels Jennifer Lopez, Nicole Kidman and P. Puff Diddy Daddy in their frenzied attempts to part us star-dazzled uglies from our money.

Sadly, P. Puff Diddy Daddy has declined to name his scent "Eau de Cretin", and Beckham's "Instinct" seems similarly inappropriate.

So I wonder, who will be the next celebrity to bottle their personality? Personally, I'd like to see the advertising campaign for Tom Cruise's "Insincerity", purely so I could listen to women remark to each other "When I get a whiff of Tom Cruise's Insincerity I almost pass out".

I also like to think that the public would flock to sample "Oleaginous" by Donald Trump or Simon Cowell's "Vermineuse".

No doubt you have ideas as to potential celebrity scents - I'd advise you stay away from Michael Jackson, though.

Not because any jokes would be in poor taste, just because he's a fucking mentalist and he'd probably try to bum your pet poodle or some such perversity.

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