In shock news today, it seems that 52% of Scots and 59% of English people support the break-up of the United Kingdom, with Scotland declaring independence.
There's a clear lesson to be drawn from these figures - the English are a mere 7% more small-minded and parochial than the Scots.
I've already explained the precise circumstances in which I would support Scottish independence, and this isn't it. Since my previous suggestion hasn't been adopted, I've decided to change tack.
I suggest that all Scottish nationalists congregate in the barren wildernesses of central-northern Scotland and found a new state - let them declare independence from Scotland itself, and live out their tartan-and-shortbread fantasies in the confines of the Peoples' Republic of Teuchterstan.
Let the glens resound to the skirl of the pipes, the bars overflow with real Scottish ales and the sheep rest uneasily in their fields. Revive the auld Scots language and let the poetry of Burns clot the ears of glorious Caledonian patriots!
So long as they all sod off and leave me in peace, I'm not really that concerned. God only knows what we're going to do to quiet down the purple-faced, xenophobic little-Englanders infesting the Beeb's site, but I'd be inclined to support carpet bombing.