Brace yourselves for horror on an almost unimaginable level, as the Guardian reports upon the man who attempted to launch a firework from his bottom.
"The man is reported to have got down on all fours, lowered his trousers and fixed a Black Cat Thunderbolt rocket to himself in front of a group of friends at the end of a firework display in the Monkwearmouth area of Sunderland on Sunday."
Fuzzy mobile phone footage shows a blinding white flash and the group of spectators laughing...
A spokeswoman for the North East Ambulance Service said: "We received a call stating there was a male who had a firework in his bottom and it was bleeding. He was attended to and taken to Sunderland Royal hospital."
The man, whose injuries include a scorched colon, is still in hospital."
It occurs to me that this is perhaps the most profound metaphor in world history, although I'm not sure what for.
Voting? Drunkenness? Militarism?
I'm at a loss.
Still, I imagine this horrific incident is beyond many of our imaginitive powers. To assist, I thought I'd post a graphic representation of the dire consequences that may ensue when slack-jawed stupidity and anal pyrotechnics* are combined.
Warning - there is a nasty bare arse in this video, so do not watch it at work.