Sunday, November 12, 2006

Embracing Our Imminent Enslavement As a Positive Experience

As many are stridently reminding us, this week's Democratic Party victory in the American mid-term elections is the signal for all of us lefty, liberal types to begin capitulating to terrorists.

With the Democrats back in business, I can't wait to begin meekly surrendering to our totalitarian foes - the only questions are, how soon do we start submitting, and how enthusiastically?

I'm so eager to throw myself at the feet of our cave-dwelling enemies, howling and urinating in canine terror like a puppy in a thunderstorm, that I need to take a few deep breaths and construct a strategy of incremental submission.

It seems a bit premature to begin grovelling and pleading for mercy immediately, so I suggest a lengthy period of craven appeasement. We could start by sending sushi and fruit-smoothies to the Taliban. All that camping out in the desert must be hungry work, after all.

Next we should send a respected figure of great power and authority in our pinko ranks - say, George Galloway - to negotiate with Osama Bin Laden, offering him lordship over the 'Stans.

It might be a bit tough to locate OBL, since he's been keeping a low profile recently, but if Galloway can return to these shores bearing a worthless, weasel-worded non-aggression pact, we'll be well on our way.

From there, all that would remain would be to splash a little eau de capitulation behind our ears and invite our new Euro-Jihadi masters to crush us like over-ripe tomatoes beneath their Nike jackboots.

I just can't work out who to surrender to first - the Iranians, the North Koreans or the Syrians? What about Al-Qaeda or the Taliban?

Oh well, never mind. Being a commie and a pinko, I'll happily throw myself upon the mercy of whichever shower of bedraggled thugs demands obedience.

Then I can start collaborating, which is where the fun really begins.

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