Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The Most Depressing List In History

1 - "Goodbye My Lover" - James Blunt
2 - "Angels" - Robbie Williams
3 - "I've Had The Time Of My Life" - Jennifer Warnes and Bill Medley
4 - "Wind Beneath My Wings" - Bette Midler
5 - "Pie Jesu" - Requiem
6 - "Candle In The Wind" (Diana version - FR) - Elton John
7 - "With Or Without You" - U2
8 - "Tears In Heaven" - Eric Clapton
9 - "Every Breath You Take - The Police
10 -"Unchained Melody" - Righteous Brothers.

What do you think, then? "Top Gear's Drivetime Classics"? "Songs To Hug Your Pissed Mates To"? "Weepy Classics"?

Sadly, none of the above - it's the top ten songs played at British funerals.

I can fully understand this of course - when I kick the bucket, I want Songs For The Deaf played at ear-splitting volume, followed by Mars from Holst's The Planets and finishing with tearful renditions of One Armed Scissor and Clan in Da Front.

Not only will it be a final opportunity for my friends and relatives to recall what a truly annoying person I was, it will also drown out all that drivel about Jesus that's ruined every funeral I've ever been to.

It's almost impossible as it is to get some laughs going in a church without some man in a frock banging on about religion, distracting everyone and bumming them out.

Still, I'm glad to see that my countrymen have such a sense of humour. James Blunt? Elton John? "I've Had The Time Of My Life"?

The Inquisition themselves couldn't devise such exquisite tortures.

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