Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Why I Like Immigrants

It feels like one can hardly take a bus these days without hearing some public transport pundit* opine forcefully that immigrants are ruining the country.

The chief thorn in their sides appears to be an influx of young Polish jobseekers who are alledgedly driving down wages.

My main experience of Polish immigration is the plethora of six-foot blondes and friendly brunettes who sell me coffee, newspapers and pints of lager, so I don't particularly understand this dreadful demographic disaster.

This is surely because I don't see the havoc wreaked by Polish razor gangs from the balconies of my ivory tower.

I just can't imagine where the bus pundits are getting this idea, and I almost feel sorry for the poor lost souls, so forlorn do they look. They seem genuinely at a loss for a solution to this terrible crisis.

I often hear exasperated speeches about how the country has "gone to the dogs", and every "Have Your Say", "your-vitriolic-opinion-here" column in Scotland echoes to the yowls of such unfortunates.

"We're looking to emigrate", they confide to one another, although one would be pushed to find a whiter country than this. But, being a smartarse blogger, I have a suggestion.

Bugger off.

Go on, beat it.

If Britain has become such a foul pit of degradation, filled with whores, drunks and foreigners, what self-respecting Brit could bear to watch the demise of our great nation? Best to take off for warmer climes, where you can remember Britannia as she was, ruler of the waves, envy of the world.

That this situation would likely leave me one of the few men in a country filled with attractive Polish girls is neither here nor there - I am prepared to selflessly do my part to maintain our traditions.

Even at the end, when I am engulfed by an unstoppable tide of athletic, flaxen-haired Polish maidens, you can be sure that at there will be one corner of this sceptred isle, this other Eden, that is forever Scotland.

Katarzyna Weronika Borowitz, Miss Poland 2005

*Can anyone think of a blogger who calls themselves "anything-pundit" who isn't a staggeringly hateful arse? All suggestions accepted.

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