Wednesday, September 27, 2006

June 25th, 2006

Obedience Class

If I've seemed a tad tetchy lately, it's because recent world events have rather caused me to lose touch with my true passion, which is inanity.

In this spirit, I notice that Zinedine Zidane's misbehaviour during the World Cup final has inspired imitators - this is jockey Paul O'Neill adjusting the attitude of his horse, City Affair.

The troublesome nag had apparently been "very unruly" leaving the parade ring, and Mr. O'Neill, losing his cool, headbutted it. City Affair's owner has also described the beast as "a very unruly character".

I can only sympathise - it seems rather cruel and unnecessary to city folks, but I was born and bred in the country and fully appreciate the need to take a firm hand with such wilful beasts. When your steed won't heed your needs, you need to put the heid on your steed.

In rural parts, he is not a man who would shrink from karate-chopping a weasel, throttling a goat or poking a parrot in the eye, should the situation require it.

I remember once chokeslamming a badger through a fold-out table. It wouldn't have been necessary if it had taken the hint and stopped burrowing about my 9-hole golf course, but I have no regrets.

I would, however, refrain from punching a donkey in the testicles. It is a fine line between disciplining an animal and bestiality, and it is a line I refuse to cross.

Anyone who doubts the veracity of the horse headbutt can see the whole unsavoury incident here.

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