Friday, September 15, 2006

Habeus Napalm

I haven't summoned up the mental strength to check, but something tells me that one of today's big stories in the virtual playground of lunacy is going to be the protests against the Pope by a shower of uncomprehending arsewits. I predict, without peeking, that thousands of furious keyboard warriors are decrying the intolerence of Islam.

For those not in the know (and I apologise for clueing you in to this rather mundane story), the Pope has succesfully offended the entire Muslim world by quoting a Byzantine Emperor.

I'm right behind the Pope on this, of course - anything that offends God botherers, whatever their creed, is entirely my cup of tea. I saw Jerry Springer - The Opera seventeen times, just so that I could walk out of the theater past the Christian Voice crowd, laughing like a drain whilst miming my own crucifixion.

One day, I'll post a picture of my Mohammed cartoon tattoo - it's a hoot. It's a smash hit every time I bare my right buttock down at the local brothel.

They love it at the synagogue too, although my Ariel Sharon impersonation seems to bomb every time.

All joking aside, the Pope has every right to say whatever he likes without a gaggle of Koran thumpers giving him grief about it.

I'm sure the Pope would gladly die for my right to call him a football-headed, Uncle Fester-impersonating ex-Nazi, just as he'd join in laughing at the Protestants and their made-up religion.

You're not a religion 'til you're at least 700, if you ask me.

the ghost of the deceased Roman Empire, sitting crowned upon the grave thereof.

I've posted this before, but I always split my sides at The Passion of the Christ - the Benny Hill Years.

Be warned that Jesus can see you laughing, and even though he's the forgiving type, it's still going to be an awkward moment when you bump into him at the canteen in Heaven.

Update!: I was thinking about this nonsensical rumpus today and recalled that one of the Pope's first ideas on becoming God's representative on Earth was to do away with the notion of "limbo". If I recall correctly, he proposed this because limbo "has always been only a theological hypothesis".

Presumably the existence of Heaven, Hell, Angels, Satan and the Lord himself are not affected by this, being scientifically proven facts rather than theological hypotheses.

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