Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Bush to UN - World Cries Out For Freedom, Torture

BBC News, 19th September 2006

President George W. Bush has outlined a vision of a world yearning for freedom, human rights and the opportunity to be electrocuted in its collective scrotum.

Speaking at the chamber of the United Nations, Bush directly addressed the oppressed peoples of the Arab world, offering a vision of -

"... A world beyond terror where the extremists are marginalised by the peaceful majority, thanks to some judicious nutsack-zapping."

"We liberated the people of Iraq from a brutal tyranny that offered them only torture. It is America's mission to make sure that all the world is safe for liberty, security and arbitrary detentions and beatings."

President Bush called upon US politicians to put aside their differences and support his program of "torture reform".

"America is a beacon of freedom for the oppressed of the world, and we cannot allow partisan politics to distract us from the great calling of applying 10,000 volts of pure, static liberty to the testicles of anyone we feel like interrogating."

"ZAP!" he shouted, thrusting at an imaginary pair of pendulous testes. "POW!"

In other remarks, Bush also blasted the Iranian regime for wasting the wealth of their nation on nuclear technology and weapons systems, prompting an outbreak of furious coughing and hiding behind breifcases from the assembled diplomats.

"Your nation's leaders have chosen to deny you liberty and to use your nation's resources to fund terrorism and fuel extremism and pursue nuclear weapons," Bush told Iranians...

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