Monday, July 24, 2006

That Conservative Top 40 - We Have a Winner!

"If music be the food of war, play on;/Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,/The appetite may sicken, and so die."

Of course, recent years have made it clear that some people's appetites are more voracious than others.

Seasoned veterans will recall the furious circle-jerk that ensued when some guy or other posted his Top 40 conservative songs. My friends, having interesting sex lives and jobs to go to, will have missed this, but it really was comedy gold - like watching a room full of persistent toddlers trying to force the square shape through the circular hole. I can't be arsed to track down the original, which seems to have been disappeared (probably due to embarrassment) but here's John J. Miller's attempt, which was one of the funnier ones.

There's no need to go into detail, since the reasoning involved is almost painful to watch. Ample to say that attempts were made to claim for conservatism "Revolution", "Rock the Casbah", "Sympathy For The Devil", "Bodies" and, most ironically, "Won't Get Fooled Again".

Curiously, nobody plumped for "Blood On Our Hands", "Kill The Poor", "Asshole From El Paso" or even Paul McCartney's 2001 folly "Give War a Chance".

But the one song that would surely have been top of the list had the wingers been paying attention would have to be "One in a Million". Choice exerpt...

"Immigrants and faggots they make no sense to me/
They come to our country and think they'll do as they please/
Like start some mini Iran or spread some fuckin' disease/
They talk so many goddamn ways, it's all Greek to me."

Sweet poetry to the lovers of freedom, one would imagine. Didn't make the list, of course, but not because it was authored by some neo-nazi punk band - it's from Guns 'n' Roses 1988 album "Lies".

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner!

P.S. No, I don't own any Guns 'n' Roses albums. Anyone suggesting I do will be summarily barred.

P.P.S. Since I just linked to the lunatic Malkin yet again, I thought you might appreciate this piece of trivia. As the only literary gifts bestowed upon me are a ludicrously purple prose style and a massive dictionary, I thought I might share the knowledge that a "Grimalkin" is 1. a cat and 2. a spiteful old woman.

P.P.P.S. You may also like to note that a "Coulter" is "a vertical cutting blade fixed in front of a ploughshare".

That's not a hoax - you may now say, without fear of litigation, "A. Coulter is a common tool".

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