Sunday, June 25, 2006

The Good Ship "USS Highjack This You Fags"

And what better way to begin my blogging career than by mocking some people’s responses to 9/11? It appears that this is a popular way to make ones’ name as a professional political analyst and can even lead to appearances on the popular news channels CNN and FOX News. While this may seem distasteful to some, I assure you that I would not do this unless I sincerely believed that I would make a very large sum of money from it.

I must direct your attention to this article, which describes a new US Navy warship (The USS New York) which is being partly constructed using steel recycled from the wreckage of the twin towers. In the words of Commander Chris Mercer, "The sanctity and strength of all the victims, the first responders and their family members is really forged in the bow of this ship. For the next 40 years that bow will lead this ship in projecting naval power all over the globe in our global fight against terrorism."

I don’t know where to begin commenting on this; I suppose, if it brings some small measure of comfort to bereaved relatives of the victims, then it can‘t be an entirely schmaltzy gesture. The obvious point would be to question whether the best use of the detritus of the towers is to create yet another military behemoth to blast the fuck out of brown people who had nothing to do with the attacks, thus ensuring that future generations of Americans can share in intrusive security measures and monthly terrorist atrocities. If the only lesson learned in the past five years has been “Hey guys, let’s project naval power into the Gulf! That’ll keep the homeland totally, like, safe!” then we are in more trouble than I had realised.

Since it appears that a certain section of American society, of which few lost relatives or friends on 9/11, are intent on turning the WTC attacks into a everlasting symbol of national victimhood, rather than a barbaric atrocity and an assault upon decency that has not yet proved fatal to the nation, I feel I must contribute some suggestions.

First, I think that adopting “never forget” as the ship’s motto is insufficient to keep the wound of the atrocity fresh and raw. Without iconography, how can we keep our anger and our desire to wreak pointless destruction upon the third world at homicidally vengeful levels? What is surely needed is a recognisable figure who can articulate the pain and steely resolve of the American people.

I therefore suggest a painting on either side of the ship. Two one hundred foot tall murals of that beloved symbol of American nobility, Scooby Doo, clad in a firefighter’s uniform, wiping away a tear yet exuding an air of defiance. To make sure the message is not lost, a giant speech bubble saying “Re Rill Rever Rorget” should strike the right note of reverence and steely resolve. The ship should then be rechristened the “USS Highjack This You Fags” and launch into a lake of tears cried by the orphans of 9/11.

I realise that this is a controversial issue, but we must be prepared to grasp the nettle on such difficult matters.

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